Disclaimer: This was probably one of the harder blogs I have written. This took a lot out of me personally. However, to be honest, I feel so much lifted off my shoulders being able to write about this....
I always pictured pregnancy to be so much more pleasant and exciting. Although I will never regret or question my pregnancy, I was obese when I was pregnant. However, I had a very challenging pregnancy because of the obesity. I had a lot of vomiting, in fact every single day, some days multiple days. I had a hard time moving around without hurting as I got further and further along. I was unable to work. I had preeclampsia severely. I had so many tests, constantly. I was hospitalized twice. I developed Bells Palsy and that is when they decided to induce my labor. My labor and delivery was far from glamorous. My body rejected two epidurals and a spinal. My body was not handling all this well. The result of obesity and pregnant was the vertical incision (also known as a classic c-section) that they had to do simply because of my being obese. This incision had to be done on the outside as well as the inside. They used staples to close the incision. I did well with recovery and got the best result ever, my kiddo. The last 12 years have been the most rewarding even if the beginning was so hard.
To answer the question, why does my abdomen have the "front butt?" The answer is that the scar is in the center of my lower abdomen. That lower belly area has been the hardest part to shrink because of the whole "mom pouch" thing that we all get when we have a child. However, my obesity created a much bigger unwanted pouch that I never thought I would have. That is one area that I have been very insecure about. I am often concerned that the area is not shrinking like the other areas of my body. I worry about people talking about it, judging me or saying things that I know I think on a daily basis. I worry this area will never go away. This area is definitely an area I wish would shrink and go away a lot faster. I am constantly judging myself and mentally struggle with the ideas my lower bell creates.
Imagine not having a lap for you to allow kids to sit in when you are working with children. Imagine trying to fit in pants being unsure how they will fit or help control that area. Imagine walking or moving hearing it make noise by hitting your thighs. Imagine jumping rope and feeling it pull on your posture. Imagine sitting in a wall sit trying to navigate how to hold a med-ball to challenge yourself without hurting yourself. Imagine sitting doing seated calf raises trying to strategically maneuver how to hold heavier weight. There are painful moments, too, including rashes, muscles being pulled, having to shift it to do different things including laying on your stomach for things. No matter what, this insecurity is carried with me every single day.
When you are obese, there are constantly things that you become insecure about. There are a lot of physical aspects of your body that contribute to your feeling of insecurity. As you continue to lose weight, you notice more and more of those things becoming evident. The victories of losing inches and pounds comes with a heavy price including saggy, loose skin. Although we have this problem, this is still not as big of an insecurity as the lower belly to me. As you will see in my latest comparison photo, there has been some drastic changes to my lower belly since December 2017 to February 2020:
Do you know what gives me hope? I KNOW it's shrinking. I know that this insecurity is going away like any other insecurity I have had to this point in my life. Although this insecurity is taking a lot more hard work, patience and overcoming mental obstacles, I know the end result will be beneficial to me. There are always going to be insecurities that we are going to have, whether that be involved in obesity or not. The important part is being confident enough to overcome them to live life to the fullest with a healthy mindset.
I always pictured pregnancy to be so much more pleasant and exciting. Although I will never regret or question my pregnancy, I was obese when I was pregnant. However, I had a very challenging pregnancy because of the obesity. I had a lot of vomiting, in fact every single day, some days multiple days. I had a hard time moving around without hurting as I got further and further along. I was unable to work. I had preeclampsia severely. I had so many tests, constantly. I was hospitalized twice. I developed Bells Palsy and that is when they decided to induce my labor. My labor and delivery was far from glamorous. My body rejected two epidurals and a spinal. My body was not handling all this well. The result of obesity and pregnant was the vertical incision (also known as a classic c-section) that they had to do simply because of my being obese. This incision had to be done on the outside as well as the inside. They used staples to close the incision. I did well with recovery and got the best result ever, my kiddo. The last 12 years have been the most rewarding even if the beginning was so hard.
To answer the question, why does my abdomen have the "front butt?" The answer is that the scar is in the center of my lower abdomen. That lower belly area has been the hardest part to shrink because of the whole "mom pouch" thing that we all get when we have a child. However, my obesity created a much bigger unwanted pouch that I never thought I would have. That is one area that I have been very insecure about. I am often concerned that the area is not shrinking like the other areas of my body. I worry about people talking about it, judging me or saying things that I know I think on a daily basis. I worry this area will never go away. This area is definitely an area I wish would shrink and go away a lot faster. I am constantly judging myself and mentally struggle with the ideas my lower bell creates.
Imagine not having a lap for you to allow kids to sit in when you are working with children. Imagine trying to fit in pants being unsure how they will fit or help control that area. Imagine walking or moving hearing it make noise by hitting your thighs. Imagine jumping rope and feeling it pull on your posture. Imagine sitting in a wall sit trying to navigate how to hold a med-ball to challenge yourself without hurting yourself. Imagine sitting doing seated calf raises trying to strategically maneuver how to hold heavier weight. There are painful moments, too, including rashes, muscles being pulled, having to shift it to do different things including laying on your stomach for things. No matter what, this insecurity is carried with me every single day.
 |
| 02/2020: Even sitting on the floor, my lower belly is an obstacle. |
 |
| Comparison: 12/2017 versus 02/2020--Thankful for progress! |
Do you know what gives me hope? I KNOW it's shrinking. I know that this insecurity is going away like any other insecurity I have had to this point in my life. Although this insecurity is taking a lot more hard work, patience and overcoming mental obstacles, I know the end result will be beneficial to me. There are always going to be insecurities that we are going to have, whether that be involved in obesity or not. The important part is being confident enough to overcome them to live life to the fullest with a healthy mindset.
Comments
Post a Comment